An open letter

Whether or not someone reads this or whether or not the person/people this is intended for reads this, it doesn’t matter. It’s time to write things out. It’s time to write again. It’s time to express everything – get it out in the open and let the universe work its magic.

I never thought of myself being better than anyone. Every day I observe the people around me. And with each person I take qualities of them that I can take to improve myself. Not because I want to be like them, but because I want to learn from them. I learn from people every day. People influence me tremendously. And the actions of others – whether they’re around me or not – are a HUGE reason why I am the way that I am. I see their body language, the way they speak, the way they eat, the way they walk, the way they sit, the way they stand – I see the way they act around people and alone. I see the things they post, the things they write about, talk about. I see things when they try to make it unnoticed – but I notice. But I try to not make assumptions. Too often are people focused on the “he said, she said”, on the “what’s wrong with him/her”, on the “who does he/she think they are”, on the “how come I can’t do this or that” – but too often do we underestimate the power of the “why”. Dig deeper and for every action there is a reason. There is something in everyone’s past that shaped them into being the person they are today. I analyze people – sometimes over analyze. The negative thing about it, though, is that I am an introvert because of it. I start to focus on the people those people are influenced by – I start to think if I fit in. And if I don’t see a place for me in that circle, I’ll stray away.  I keep to myself a lot. I’m not an open book unless someone asks – I’ll filet myself on the table for someone to see the real me, to know me, and to know my story but I do it with caution. It leads me to a dilemma for myself. Trust is huge for me. Yes, I’ll let you know me – but it’s if you’ll use it against me that stops me.  And if I don’t let people see the real me it’s used against me anyways – it leads to people making assumptions of me. Let’s be real, I’m like you – I’ll look at people’s pictures, judge them on what we see on social media, automatically assume the type of person they are, but I stop myself. The golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. And I for sure would not want someone to think falsely of me based on what they’ve seen in the past. We see the type of person they were and not the type of person they are trying to become. So I start to take notice of people’s “why”.

I didn’t start to notice until I moved away for college. Until I was forced to live outside of where I was already comfortable. Until I started to meet new people, build new relationships, learn new things, and embark in new adventures. I would say I’ve grown a lot because of it but I do have to admit that I’ve still got a lot more growing to do. Every day I work on bettering myself than I was yesterday. Every morning I wake up with a purpose – to be able to see a change in myself and influence the people around me to do the same. I thank God every morning for another day. I am not perfect, but I thank God for making me perfect enough – for him and for everyone around me. And I thank God for the people he has surrounded me with. Whether they are in my life now or from the past. There are two types of people God puts into our lives – people we grow from and people we grow with.

In life God doesn’t give you the people you want, instead He gives you the people you need. To teach you, to hurt you, to love you, and make you exactly the way you should be.”

So here’s an open letter to the people I’ve crossed paths with, the people who are now in my past, the people who are in my present, and the people who I am bound to meet along the way: Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to learn from you. Thank you for allowing me to be in your presence – to laugh with you, cry with you, be mad with you, be happy with you. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life – even it were for only a second. And for that I am sorry. I am sorry for any negative energy I may have passed along to you. I am sorry for any negative impressions I have left of myself to you. I am sorry for any arguments, judgments, comments, facial expressions, body language, words unsaid.  I understand that some bridges are burned and it’s impossible to fix it. But I am glad that relationship was built anyway. Some relationships are like wrinkled paper – they’ve been unfolded but unfortunately aren’t how they used to be. And there are those relationships that are unchanged – the people who have stuck by me through thick and thin. The people who have seen me at my worst and who love me just the way that I am. My circle is small but I love big because of it. I’m a Leo – one of the most predominant traits of a Leo is that we are driven by the desire to be loved and admired. Although I don’t think I’m royalty, I do believe that I can be an influence. So join me in my journey to be able to express myself daily – whether it be about life, love, family, fitness, business. I work on improving myself every day and I my only hope is that you do too. Start thinking about someone’s “why”. But before you do that – you must think about your “why”. Think about your purpose. Because what I’ve learned after I’ve understood my “why” is that there is so much more to a person than what we see and it took me awhile to really comprehend that. Life isn’t easy and it wasn’t meant to be, but it is the reason why you get up in the morning that makes it possible.

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